22 Aprilie – un prelung 22, 30 hours worth of.

Numb state. Oarecum.

In trenul spre centru. Blue line. Peste autostrazi si noduri de infrastructura. Mama se joaca cu telefonul, setarile de roaming si vedem ca e 2:45 noapte la Bucuresti. La prima statie imi arata un hotel mare dincolo de niste benzi suspendate. “Uite, nu acolo trebuie sa ajungem? Hyatt Regency!” Cred ca sunt putin obosit. Pentru ca imi tresare inima, dar domol. Gata sa sar din tren sub impulsul momentului. Dar neutralizez instinctual panica … “nuuu nu poate sa fie aici”. Cum mogosoaia sa ma apuc acum sa sar toate pasarelele si benzile astea de circulatie..? it sure is wrong. Next one Harlem. The Chicago version. Chiar ma gandeam acum aproape o ora ce-ar fi fost mai fain daca alegeam NY ca tranzit. Harlem. Yes, seeing that again, but night time. Americans often give a topological impression of missing being somewhere else. A sort of make-believe. On board crossing the North-Eastern border states: London – Michigan. On screen through cultural borders: Paris – Texas. Memory on … Harlem – Chicago.

Schimbam cu Green under/overground. Peroane de lemn. Bocănesc cu încântare.
La hotel, in spite of the large scale and sole sparks here and there I come across Anomalisa… on way to the room. That same tern shape and colour of the hotel hallways. A similar feeling earlier on the train, only not tern but more of some authenticity to how and what Chicago in train transport terms. The passage. The chairs and doors. The noise of wheels cluncking on tracks.

In oras frig – 9 grade cu feel de mai putin. Iesim rapid si din amimtiri topografice imi dau seama unde vreau sa mergem. E 22:20 totusi. Unde mai poti alerga? Vreau la Signature Room/Bar in Hancock Tower for a true 360• of nighttime Chicago. Jazz Showcase apoi south of centre for a retke of that unexpectedly good drop into blues/jazz four years ago, si o fuga la Anish Kapoor’s Cloud Gate.
Bifam bar time only insa, incerc sa nu racesc. Ca pe strada on way to ma cuțita prin amigdale si simteam ca o dau in alte alea. Jetlagged aproape ca adorm in scaune. A good mappung of light street grid. Ma amuza cat de tare vorbesc americancele around me. Distractie de vineri seara. Sau poate turisti? da, mai degraba, dar tot americani most of ’em. Some french guys and spanish girls as well.

The light show imbued with mum’s stories of brothers and parents, relatives (some frustrations I can relate to), my pa and funny moments. E 1 AM cand plecam. Jazz Showcase e nearly silent at this time.
Daca as fi venit cu ea as fi mers in alta parte?… maybe wd have gone to Jazz first. Sau poate nu, daca tot ne asteapta un festival. Livelier night? habar n-am. Abia mai îngân niste ganduri. Ma simt fara cuvinte. Empty. Oboseala mi-amorteste orice inspiratie. Ma framanta discutiile despre En.

Cloudgate dimineata. Springly so. E atat de aproape ca dupa ce dau o fuga singur, revin intr-un suflet, strangem tot si cu toate bagajele alergam in parc. Cer deschis, inima aparte! Zambete all over.

23 Aprilie Chicago to New Orleans

Spre aeroport finding a common ground with the cabbie. Un negru la 29 de ani cu o fetita de 8 care vrea sa se faca asistenta medicala. Imi trantisem valiza peste un invalmasag de haine si role, asa m-am prins. El mai iese in oras dar mainly staying in, saving for fan, for the kid. “How old are you?”, Dar you? O dam pe muzica, basket, yeah that’s it! BBall! Michael, Magic, Charles, Carl and John, Scottie, the golden generation! I was a massive Bulls fan! Si omul se deschide! Sesame!

Back to 22 Apr
Barely any sleep pe avionul de la Londra. Low battery ca scuza pentru a nu scrie. Adrenaline giovanotti film buffet instead:
In the Heart of the Sea – Herman Melville taking notes on a seaman’s MB experience.
Point Break – tattooed characters remake of the Keanu Reeves + Patrick Swaize original, a blast of extreme motorbikes, skydiving, surf, free-climbing, snowboarding, diving, base-jumping on a cacophony of backpacker zen spiritual superficia. Not engaging enough. Lacked the “cult” charisma of the original.
TFuturopolis (?) – a techy teenage adventure fantasy. Catchy but cliches from staple precursors (Back to the Future, Robotics, …).
Nici ea nu a scris. Got my Salinger on and on and on. O mai intreb din cand in cand cum i se pare, ce o atrage, ce crede. Caracterologic, life style, ce baruri celebre erau in NY in the 1940s. Ma cațăr peste spatare sa ies din grupul central. Passing fringes of Canada I miss seeing that landscape of scattered icy dust over waters, last time we skirted Greenland amd it was majestic. Lost in the thin layers of clouds. Cold calm labradorian scenery. Rocky dark land combed into water. Almost fjord style. Only this time it is the sheets of haze filling in the finger lines between. Thins and thins of it, my fascinacion with water. The fractal patterns of it, the wavery mathematical expression. Manifest in a vagrant creative disposition. Albastru, mult alb, ridic ochii in crestetul cerului. Albastru intens, aproape cenusiu, a thickness of will. But merely a drape to darkness, to the profounds of solitude beyond. Imi fuge mintea la scena de deschidere din Werkmeister Harmonies.
Despre ce e calatoria asta? a flaunty display of “cause I can!” or “… I want”. Extensie a egoului si exercitiu al libertatii explicite. Not about adventure. Not really adrenaline/exploration motivated. As I made almost no arrangements. Initial asa as fi zis… the jazz, the baloon flight, the kiting, the friends. Briefly a crazy thought about flying for one night to Vancouver to see a Crystal Pite show. Had all that flooding my mind. Dar realitatea e ca din toate astea nearly none were really planned. Some of them still in the air. I know we’ll be in NOLA jazz land in a few minutes. (flying Chicago to NOLA). So that’s arranged. (very excited abt the festival at our feet!). Dar in rest?… ca o sa iau iar o masina remarcabila, ca o sa umblam de colo colo. Pana si faptul ca o sa-i vad pe baieti in SJ, SF, LA o fac pentru ca pot, si vreau sa imi arat ca pot whenever I fancy!, ca nu exista bariere fata a fi si a avea toate tangențele si imbratisarile astea. Crushing any virtual/phisical distance.
Despre prietenie totusi. Felt a clear attachment to this idea, even with the frustrations of it, some inlays of egoism as well. Fighting off a guilt strand in the midst of it. As this trip is something of MINE! I need to do it. Chinurile si viata la limita a lui En, the obvious boost he had miercuri cand ne-am vazut si maybe his need to see /know me around. All that couldn’t stop me. Stateam in buza avionului pe Otopeni si oscilam, all checked in and about to board, sa ma intorc la el? sa revin?, tocmai reintrase intr-o pasa aiurea dupa ce am plecat, îngrijorat. Am transferat raspunderea asta a deciziei catre taumaturg. Strigam aproape la ea in mesaje repetate sa-mi spuna daca sa revin sau sa ma duc. Dar decizia era a mea. The dance I needed, the jazz I wanted. Even if tinged by these “rendition of remorse”, or redeemed by it, I had to go. Viata mea e dependenta de teleportismul asta al ultimilor 10 ani. Flexibilitatea asta mi-e parte din identitate. O reactie la dezastrul emotional cu care departarea a marcat cele doua relatii. What did it bring up?, a deeper emotional rift between me and my lovers? the impossibility of it? So that’s what I may be proving wrong now. No holds omnipresence. With the intensity of being where I am when I am. no mockery of it. Again Ilie revine, o conversatie… despre job, despre ceea ce stiam, ceea ce faceam si cun vedeam tesatura asta de evenimente conexe panglobale. How a mind and will can make sense of all this and piece it all together. Un gest: ii vorbeam si parca tineam Pamantul in mana aratandu-i-l. Cu cealalalta infasurandu-l cu straturi de înteles si receptivitate, cu enegie si omnivoință. Do you see it?

And now Sorin, Cami, their jumbokidos, can’t wait to see how they changed, where they’re going now. Si nebunu asta, Felipe cu Sylvus gata sa dea nastere. Ce vantura world sunt!, on academic bones. Walking the dream. I miss him. C & P. The heart ties.
One thing that got on my nerves, subtly 3w ago when MC, S and I roamed the night. Mihai da, Cip as well. (Radu glued me into his, I’m threading my world into theirs.) Dar… S says “la modul realist o sa ne mai vedem de… 10 ori in viata asta..!”?. Distanta asta isi baga radacinile in noi aiurea. Da-o-n mogosoaia!!! THAT’s one main reason why I’m here. Sa ne fim impreuna. Who cares how. lf I were to invest in something now it would be a teleporteur. A slow and fast one. Slow to suspend yourself in travelling substance. Fast, so you walk into my life NOW and conversely. Dar de ce! Asta sunt acum. Oamenii astia!

Ubered my way throughout most of USA so far. In afara drumului de la O’Hare Airport to downtown unde m-am
ambitionat sa ne descurcam fara taxi. works just fine! everyone wants five stars :-).